Casey West

a.k.a How To Be Laid Off Properly

I’ve never been laid off before so I didn’t know how to do it. Here is a guide for you based on my experience. All that means is this was my instinctive response. Your mileage may vary.

Be Cool

I should take this moment to set the stage. This was totally unexpected. I was at work and looking forward to my interview for an internal management position, scheduled for the following day. So when my boss came to my desk and said, “follow me” I thought he was going to tell me a funny story or something.

I got about one dozen steps from my desk before I realized something was funky. As I passed the kitchen the writing was on my co-workers’ faces. Somebody died. I was about to be told one of my co-workers died. Bummer. Oh, I’m the one that died. Apparently I was on a familiar catwalk and I was not too sexy for my shirt. I decided to stay calm and take it all in. Some things were weird.

If you have Big Company minded HR folks think about it like this: You’re unauthorized personnel when you leave the Firing Squad. So whatever security procedures the company would follow in that case now apply to you. You can’t walk around the office and say thanks and bye, and you can’t have a few minutes to finish up the refactoring you were doing and commit the work. You can, however, hand over your badge and collect your things and leave right now. Think Dilbert:

That’s cool. I could use a good coffee anyway.

Give Props

Many of the people I worked with are really good at what they do. I did my best to let them know that every day – work ought not be a series of voiced disappointments. Before I forget why I liked my co-workers I found them on LinkedIn and wrote positive, honest recommendations. I don’t have any hard feelings so this was an enjoyable writing process. Some of them are even returning the favor which I’m really happy about.

Make Plans

For the first time in my adult life I had free time during the work day and no outstanding tasks to work out. Even when switching jobs on my own terms I never took time off to relax. So I had to make a plan. I split my plan into two basic categories, do’s and don’ts. Here’s the rough cut:

Do

• build an iPhone app
• consulting
• update employment info on social networks
• continuez à apprendre le français
• my taxes
• get back on my bicycle
• make recommendations on LinkedIn
• write on my blog
• accept COBRA
• work on YAPC
• go to the office every day

Don’t

• eat out because it’s easier
• live without a budget
• keep my gym membership – I have a bike!

Obama Rocks

Before Wednesday the American Recovery and Investment Act of 2009 – a.k.a. The Stimulus™ – wasn’t something I was going to benefit from directly. You know, in the selfish sense. I was still for it but not for my own financial health. That changed this week.

Healthcare is the most frightening thing about unemployment in the United States. If you’re ousted like me you have the option of keeping your healthcare under the COBRA plan. This plan gives you the glorious opportunity to pay 100% of your insurance premiums and you get to keep your healthcare. Unfortunately when you get the bill it’ll probably make at least two of your orrifaces leak. Health insurance is expensive! This is when The Government steps up to the plate and actually makes my life better. The Stimulus package has a provision for people like me!

Section 3000(a)(1)(A) clearly states:

“REDUCTION OF PREMIUMS PAYABLE- In the case of any premium for a period of coverage beginning on or after the date of the enactment of this Act for COBRA continuation coverage with respect to any assistance eligible individual, such individual shall be treated for purposes of any COBRA continuation provision as having paid the amount of such premium if such individual pays (or a person other than such individual’s employer pays on behalf of such individual) 35 percent of the amount of such premium (as determined without regard to this subsection).”

I only have to pay 35% of my insurance premiums. Since I was paying 20% that’s only a 15% rate hike. I can live with that given the circumstances. I was so happy about this that I told the family that I was going to kiss Obama on the lips next time I see him. This is how the conversation went down:

Me: I’m going to kiss Obama on the lips next time I see him!

Evelina: No, that’s illegal. You can’t kiss the President.

Me: Why? What will happen if I do?

Evelina: He’ll find someone to shoot you.

Me: It’s a fine way to die.

Tags: howto, unemployed

This entry was posted on Saturday, March 7th, 2009 at 12:49 am and is filed under Ruminations. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.